Sleepy-time Dreams

The Lord is so faithful to continue to work even when I am a mess! I have drifted back into the all too familiar numbness that I thought I had overcome or at least was getting better at avoiding. I am indifferent to more than I want to admit and feel as though I am just running through the motions of daily life. Odd to say, but in many ways I would rather feel broken than dead. I am able to recognize that I have a problem, yet feel incapable of changing it. It amazes me that so often I long for intimacy and deep relationships, but avoid many of the opportunities for this, or when presented the opportunity, I do not know how to cultivate intimacy. I don't want to analyze this right now.

So on another note, I've had some interesting dreams lately...

DREAMS, DREAMS, and MORE DREAMS

Prior to recounting any of these dreams, I must attach a few caveats. First, some dreams I believe are very clearly from the Lord, while others are not. I will attempt to clearly state which category I think each dream falls into. Second, this is partially written for documentation. I will also try to state the timeline of when this dream occurred. Third, I do not know how to interpret dreams, but pray that at some point these will make sense. Fourth, I am not suicidal. These dreams have been a little odd, but I am not thinking about taking my own life and am very thankful that my life is in the hands of Jesus. 

Dream 1: Suicide Bombers

When I woke up from this dream today, I knew immediately that it was just an odd dream with no meaning aside from an overactive imagination. 

I was at the beach and a van began to drive into the ocean. As soon as it was submerged in the water, it exploded. I automatically knew that their goal was to cause such a shock in the ocean great enough to create a tsunami. The 6 people in the van survived and walked out of the water while everyone on the beach was getting closer to the water to find out what had occurred. I wanted everyone to get away from the coast so they would not be overtaken by the tsunami, but I knew I had to speak quietly to get everyone's attention otherwise the suicide bombers would notice me. 

The next scene of this story was at the suicide bombers' house. They wanted me to go on vacation with them, but I felt this was just a trap to get me to die in one of their missions with them. I frantically searched for my phone and tried to text my parents to rescue me. Once I found my phone, I tried to conceal my texting to avoid the bombers noticing, but the last thing I remember is feeling stuck in the van as we drove towards our destination while sending a cryptic short text message that I hoped would get the attention of my family.

Dream 2: Over the Cliff

This dream took place two weeks ago, and the amazing calm I felt was definitely given by the Spirit. It was a Saturday morning that this took place, right before a busy Sunday, finals week, and two intense tests for work on Monday. 

I was driving down the road, and needed to turn left to go up a hill. As I stopped prior to turning left, a man came out and told me to wait to turn because they were pushing a car up the hill. He was right. As I looked to my left, a few people were pushing this little car. Finally, it was my turn, but as I began driving up the hill, all I saw was the horizon. It was as if my seat was laid back and I couldn't see the road, but I just continued driving. I didn't try to brake or sit up farther, I just kept driving. The car began to tip like it was falling over an edge, but I didn't try to stop it. I was completely calm as the car began to roll into the valley. 

As the car was rolling, the Lord and I just had a very calm conversation. I remember saying, "Okay, Lord. This is it." At one point, I felt bad for my car and briefly told it sorry prior to continuing my talk with God. I remember thinking of everything I was supposed to get done in the upcoming weeks and thought, "oh well! Everyone will manage without me getting done what I was supposed to. They'll understand." I was calm the entire time and felt like the Lord was so close. 

The car stopped rolling, and somehow at this point, I was in the rear passenger seat. I was still alone in the car, but no longer the driver. I was still alive and said aloud, "my parents will just meet me at the hospital" while at the same time knowing no one would know how to find me. This didn't worry me. Never was I concerned about anything that I should have been worried about. The Lord felt so near through this that I was sad to wake up. I wanted to go back to this place. 

These are only a few of the dreams I have had recently. I'm too tired to write more. Everything else will have to wait for another day. At least I managed to finally write today. :)