It's past time for me to write again, but I just can't bring myself to do it yet... At least write something with meaning. Maybe it's depression, PTSD, exhaustion, a spiritual trial, or something else..who knows. All I know is it won't be today and that's okay. Some days I can force myself to open up, but this is not one of those moments. And the best part of this is that unlike with family or friends, here I don't have to pretend or be fake.
I do find it interesting that while typing this into my phone, I have misspelled words twice. Once it automatically changed to the word Shia (which is a sect of Islam that composes the majority in Iraq), and the next time it switched to ops..as in an abbreviation for operations. Those words have been quite intertwined in my life in the past..but that's a different world for a different day.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Pivot Point
As a student in a marketing course, we often talk about start up companies hitting a pivot point. A moment in time where they decide that in order to be profitable and continue with their idea, they are going to have to transform their way of thinking and their product into something slightly different from their original intentions. It almost always requires an uncomfortable shift, but a very necessary one.
I hit this point spiritually three years ago. I was in the military dealing with situations where I would see death everyday, everyone around me was partying all the time, and I was trying to live a conservative Christian life. These things combined drove me to frustration. I didn't fully understand what that meant (not that I do now either, but the journey has began). I did know that it meant I had very few friends or I made appearances at parties without getting involved and left fairly quickly, but it went farther than the outward appearances of a Christian life. My heart was confused. I felt numb. I had turned off my emotions in order to deal with the continual death and never really turned them back on, yet I knew that there was more to following Jesus than the life that I was living. When I read the Bible I saw men and women excited about serving Christ and giving up everything to follow, but I just felt condemnation over my imperfection. By the grace of God, I was put in contact with some people who became wonderful mentors to me, that assisted in creating the pivot point in my life.
One day I was sitting at their dinner table talking about chapter seven of Romans. I saw Paul's struggle, yet had grown up in a fairly legalistic church that preached that if you "sin" in any respect, you are no longer "a Christian". I couldn't reconcile Paul's writings and although I felt frustration over my inadequacies, I felt relief that I was not in this struggle alone. As I read:
For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
My spirit completely understood what he was saying. I felt this turmoil within me. I had the desire to do what was right, but the weakness of the flesh held me back. (Sidenote: by all outward appearances, I was living the life that avoided "sin". I didn't sleep around, get drunk, or steal or lie, but I did have pride, am selfish, and don't show the fruit of the Spirit as strongly as I should, or give to the poor as often as I should. I followed some of what the Bible commanded, but not all.) I felt conviction to be closer to the Lord, yet I was in bondage to the law.
My mentors gave me two key points that encouraged the pivot in my life. They recommended I continue to read into chapter 8. Yes, we need to recognize this struggle, but there is hope! Chapter eight follows this description of the battle between the flesh and the spirit by saying:
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
I wasn't bound to legalism of the law! I was free by the blood of Jesus and there was no condemnation. Just acknowledging this made a impact on my entire way of thinking.
The second piece of advice they gave me was "Don't try to live perfect, try to live righteous." The freedom I felt in this statement was unbelievable. No, I wasn't immediately perfect, but I wasn't required to perfect! This was not an excuse to engage in sin, but it was the freedom to enjoy the liberation from sin. Galatians 5 makes this very clear:
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery... For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
I had been so caught up in avoiding sin, that I had only felt the law, not the freedom from the law. My perspective shifted in that moment. My life-changing pivot occurred and the journey of love began.
I hit this point spiritually three years ago. I was in the military dealing with situations where I would see death everyday, everyone around me was partying all the time, and I was trying to live a conservative Christian life. These things combined drove me to frustration. I didn't fully understand what that meant (not that I do now either, but the journey has began). I did know that it meant I had very few friends or I made appearances at parties without getting involved and left fairly quickly, but it went farther than the outward appearances of a Christian life. My heart was confused. I felt numb. I had turned off my emotions in order to deal with the continual death and never really turned them back on, yet I knew that there was more to following Jesus than the life that I was living. When I read the Bible I saw men and women excited about serving Christ and giving up everything to follow, but I just felt condemnation over my imperfection. By the grace of God, I was put in contact with some people who became wonderful mentors to me, that assisted in creating the pivot point in my life.
One day I was sitting at their dinner table talking about chapter seven of Romans. I saw Paul's struggle, yet had grown up in a fairly legalistic church that preached that if you "sin" in any respect, you are no longer "a Christian". I couldn't reconcile Paul's writings and although I felt frustration over my inadequacies, I felt relief that I was not in this struggle alone. As I read:
For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
My spirit completely understood what he was saying. I felt this turmoil within me. I had the desire to do what was right, but the weakness of the flesh held me back. (Sidenote: by all outward appearances, I was living the life that avoided "sin". I didn't sleep around, get drunk, or steal or lie, but I did have pride, am selfish, and don't show the fruit of the Spirit as strongly as I should, or give to the poor as often as I should. I followed some of what the Bible commanded, but not all.) I felt conviction to be closer to the Lord, yet I was in bondage to the law.
My mentors gave me two key points that encouraged the pivot in my life. They recommended I continue to read into chapter 8. Yes, we need to recognize this struggle, but there is hope! Chapter eight follows this description of the battle between the flesh and the spirit by saying:
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
I wasn't bound to legalism of the law! I was free by the blood of Jesus and there was no condemnation. Just acknowledging this made a impact on my entire way of thinking.
The second piece of advice they gave me was "Don't try to live perfect, try to live righteous." The freedom I felt in this statement was unbelievable. No, I wasn't immediately perfect, but I wasn't required to perfect! This was not an excuse to engage in sin, but it was the freedom to enjoy the liberation from sin. Galatians 5 makes this very clear:
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery... For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
I had been so caught up in avoiding sin, that I had only felt the law, not the freedom from the law. My perspective shifted in that moment. My life-changing pivot occurred and the journey of love began.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Where this great journey begins- Love
I have the privilege to be working through a Bible study that focuses on the life of Christ. I just finished a life changing study on Paul, so starting one on Christ seemed like a natural step. What I couldn't have planned on was the amazing way that I started this study heading into the Christmas season, meaning I began with the birth of John and then the birth of Jesus... I grew up hearing these stories all the time. Every Christmas morning, my father reads Luke 2 and my family fills in the words he leaves out. We all know this historical account very well, so I expected this study to produce the same results. This was a fail on my part. The Lord never ceases to open my eyes to new truths and show his love in new ways, and that was exactly what occurred in the first days of my study. I made it as far as Luke 2:22 until I could not help, but pause in the wonder of the love of Christ.
This account details the days immediately following Jesus' birth, explaining that after eight days he was circumcised and named Jesus as the angel had proclaimed (Luke 2:21). Then according to Leviticus 12:1-8, Mary needed to continue the purification set forth in the law for another 33 days. So finally, 41 days after the birth of Christ, he is brought to the temple to be presented to the Lord (Luke 2:22). Luke then briefly explains the law, but we get more details if we refer back to Exodus 13 and Numbers 18. Basically in these passages, the Lord requires that the first-born male be set apart and offered back to the Lord, but then for the price of 5 shekels, the parents may "redeem" their son. (According to the sources I found, this act of buying their child back from the Lord is still a custom among many Jews that continues today.) So based on the combination of Luke's account and the Levitical law, we get this amazing picture of the infant Christ being brought to the temple to be offered back to His Father. I'm not a parent, so I may not fully understand the agony of this situation, but here's how I see it: Mary and Joseph are just following the practice that they have been taught, but imagine God the Father. His tiny infant son is offered back to him. The Father knows the plan set before Jesus. The pain and suffering of the cross that will end Jesus' life on earth. Yet even in this moment, when His son is offered back to Him, He doesn't take him back and say that this plan isn't worth the pain. No, instead he allows Mary and Joseph to redeem the Messiah.
I can't even imagine the heartbreak of God, knowing that He is giving his son, his firstborn son, to a sinful broken world that would crucify him, so that Jesus might redeem us. What unreal love! That while we were at our darkest in sin, not even seeing our need for a Savior, God is willing to offer his son to pay the price for us.
The awe and wonder of this passage has become fresh again as I consider the sacrifice in a new light. How can I do anything, but stand in amazement and gratefulness to a Savior who paid the ultimate price for me. I pray that I never lose this broken worship in understanding the depth of my sin, yet the even greater depth of His love.
"For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8 (NASB)
This account details the days immediately following Jesus' birth, explaining that after eight days he was circumcised and named Jesus as the angel had proclaimed (Luke 2:21). Then according to Leviticus 12:1-8, Mary needed to continue the purification set forth in the law for another 33 days. So finally, 41 days after the birth of Christ, he is brought to the temple to be presented to the Lord (Luke 2:22). Luke then briefly explains the law, but we get more details if we refer back to Exodus 13 and Numbers 18. Basically in these passages, the Lord requires that the first-born male be set apart and offered back to the Lord, but then for the price of 5 shekels, the parents may "redeem" their son. (According to the sources I found, this act of buying their child back from the Lord is still a custom among many Jews that continues today.) So based on the combination of Luke's account and the Levitical law, we get this amazing picture of the infant Christ being brought to the temple to be offered back to His Father. I'm not a parent, so I may not fully understand the agony of this situation, but here's how I see it: Mary and Joseph are just following the practice that they have been taught, but imagine God the Father. His tiny infant son is offered back to him. The Father knows the plan set before Jesus. The pain and suffering of the cross that will end Jesus' life on earth. Yet even in this moment, when His son is offered back to Him, He doesn't take him back and say that this plan isn't worth the pain. No, instead he allows Mary and Joseph to redeem the Messiah.
I can't even imagine the heartbreak of God, knowing that He is giving his son, his firstborn son, to a sinful broken world that would crucify him, so that Jesus might redeem us. What unreal love! That while we were at our darkest in sin, not even seeing our need for a Savior, God is willing to offer his son to pay the price for us.
The awe and wonder of this passage has become fresh again as I consider the sacrifice in a new light. How can I do anything, but stand in amazement and gratefulness to a Savior who paid the ultimate price for me. I pray that I never lose this broken worship in understanding the depth of my sin, yet the even greater depth of His love.
"For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8 (NASB)
Monday, November 12, 2012
The beginning...
The main purpose of this blog is to document my journey of learning to follow Jesus Christ. That said, I may post some stories about what has occurred in the past so that I don't forget the life lessons that have helped mold me into who I am today. I may be considered a little bit crazy at times, but I am okay with that if it will draw me closer to Christ. This process should not be about finding myself. Instead it should be focused on the overwhelming love of Christ that can change lives and the work of the Holy Spirit in an individual who desires to follow the call of Jesus to follow at any cost.
I have no doubt that as difficult as this journey may be, it will be worth it.
I have no doubt that as difficult as this journey may be, it will be worth it.
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